Wellbeing Guide 10: Saying Sorry
Parenting often feels like a delicate balance between guiding your child’s emotions and managing your own. Young children experience big feelings that they are still learning to navigate, and as parents, it’s only natural to want to help them through these moments.
That’s why at Bright Horizons, we practise The Nurture Approach; a blend of research-based holistic learning and emotional wellbeing support, all lovingly delivered by our experienced practitioners. Because we know how vital wellbeing is in early childhood, our Early Childhood Experts have created a series of Wellbeing Guides just for you. These guides offer both a deeper understanding of child development and practical advice on raising happy, confident, and emotionally resilient children.
In this edition, our experts explore how empathy develops in young children and how you can gently guide them towards understanding and giving meaningful apologies.
Teaching children empathy
“Say sorry to your sister/brother/friend right now!” Sound familiar? If you’re a parent, chances are you’ve said something like this during a toy tug-of-war or a snack-time squabble.
When we’re tired or trying to keep the peace, it’s easy to default to demanding an apology. But here’s something you might not know: young children don’t fully understand that other people have different thoughts and feelings until they’re around four or five years old. So when we insist on an apology before they’re developmentally ready, we may be skipping a crucial step in teaching empathy and emotional awareness.
If a child is made to apologise without truly understanding their actions, it can lead to a power struggle rather than a learning moment. This is especially true if they haven’t yet developed the emotional maturity to connect their behaviour with its consequences. By focusing on empathy and understanding—rather than compliance—we can better nurture their social and emotional growth, which naturally leads to more heartfelt apologies.
What to do instead
Through co-regulation, children can learn that hurtful actions or words are not acceptable. It’s important to remember that while “sorry” is just a word, empathy is a deeper emotional understanding. Encouraging your child to reflect on their behaviour and its impact helps them see why an apology matters, rather than simply saying it because an adult told them to.
So, the next time you’re faced with a classic parenting moment - like your little one storming through the living room and accidentally knocking over a friend or sibling - take a deep breath and try the following steps:
- Focus on the hurt child first
For instance, “Oh no, you got knocked over. Where does it hurt?”
- Model empathy with your actions and words
For instance: “I’m sorry you were knocked down. That must have been a big surprise!”
- Talk to your child about how the other child was affected by their actions
For instance: “You were running so fast that you knocked your friend over. He was crying because that scared him.”
- Ask your child for ideas on how to make the hurt child feel better
For instance: “How can we make him feel better?”
- Help carry out the plan you made together
Instead of simply telling them to make amends, support them as they take action. This gives them a hands-on experience in empathy. Whether it’s offering a toy, a cuddle, or eventually saying sorry, your guidance reinforces the importance of repairing relationships.
- Find opportunities to reflect on the situation later
For instance, “I was thinking about how you knocked your friend over this morning. I wonder if you have any ideas about how we can stop that happening again?”
Each moment of conflict or clumsiness is an opportunity to teach kindness, responsibility, and emotional awareness. Learning empathy doesn’t happen overnight, but with patience and support, your child can grow into someone who notices when others are hurting, and knows how to respond with care.
When that happens, saying sorry becomes more than just a word. It becomes a genuine expression of empathy.
If you enjoyed this article and found it to be useful, you can check out more of our early childcare resources in our Family Resource Zone!
And, if you’re not yet a Bright Horizons parent, but are interested in what our nurseries can offer your child on their exciting educational journey, book a personal tour at your local nursery today!
