Wellbeing Guide 8: Connection Before Correction

Parenting often feels like a delicate balance between guiding your child’s emotions and managing your own. Children experience big feelings they are still learning to navigate, and as parents, it’s natural to want to help them through these moments.

That’s why at Bright Horizons, we practise The Nurture Approach- a blend of our research-based holistic learning and our support for children’s emotional wellbeing, all lovingly delivered by our dedicated practitioners. Because we know wellbeing is essential for young children, our Early Childhood Experts have created a series of Wellbeing Guides just for you. Through these guides, you’ll gain a deeper understanding of early childhood development while benefiting from expert advice on raising a happy, confident, and emotionally resilient child. 

In this guide, our experts explore the concept of connection before correction—an approach that emphasises the importance of building a strong relationship with children based on trust, respect, and empathy before addressing unwanted behaviour. 

Connection before correction: 5 steps  

When your child displays tricky behaviour, knowing how to respond as a parent isn’t always easy. Whether it's an emotional outburst or meltdown, the experience can be frustrating and upsetting for both of you—especially for your child, who may not yet have the words to express their feelings. 

However, by shifting your perspective from punishing behaviour to understanding that your child is seeking connection and needs your support, you can respond in a way that helps them feel secure 4. and understood. Try these steps: 

1. De-escalate first 

Begin by calming the situation. Take a few deep breaths and help your child do the same. Once everyone is calm, you can focus on problem-solving and reflecting on what happened. 

2. There’s always a reason – what’s really being said? 

Every behaviour has an underlying purpose. Your child isn’t acting out simply to misbehave—they are responding to specific situations or unmet needs. For example, a child might become frustrated because they are hungry, and that feeling is then reflected in their behaviour. Recognising the root causes of their actions allows you to address them more effectively.

Through co-regulation, a process where you and your child work together to explore and address emotions driving unwanted behaviour, you can teach your child that hurtful actions or words are not okay. By staying close and offering comfort, you help your child navigate their emotions without feeling alone. 

3. Have empathy for your child’s experience 

The world looks a lot different when you're four years old. Try to see the situation from your child’s perspective. When you understand the why behind their emotions and actions, you can respond with the empathy and support they need to navigate their feelings. 

4. Separate the behaviour from your child 

When your child’s behaviour is tricky, communicate that their actions were not okay, but that you still care deeply about them. This helps separate the behaviour from the child, making it clear that the behaviour is the issue - not who they are as a person. Reassure them that everyone makes mistakes and that learning from them is part of growing up. This approach helps children feel valued and understood while guiding them toward positive behaviour changes. 

5. Try “and” instead of “but” 

Reframing how you phrase things can be a powerful tool in strengthening your connection. One simple yet effective strategy is replacing but with and in your responses. This small shift can help frame conversations in a more positive way, making your child feel heard and understood. 

For example: 

• “I can see you really want that, and I’m sorry you can’t have it.” 

• “I can tell you really want to play with that toy, and you must ask before taking it.” 

• “I understand how angry you are, and it’s not okay to throw the bricks.” 

Though subtle, this change can transform interactions by reinforcing understanding and setting boundaries with kindness. 

By focusing on connection before correction, you create a safe and nurturing environment where your child feels supported in their emotional development. This approach not only strengthens your bond but also empowers them to manage their feelings and behaviours in a healthy, constructive way.