Sharing Their Day: Encouraging Talk When Language is Still Developing

Jayne is a mum of three and a member of our wonderful Parent Panel* – a diverse community of Bright Horizons parents sharing their experiences of raising happy, thriving and confident children. Here, she shares what she’s learned about gently encouraging young children to open up about their days.

I love the chats I have with my four-year-old on the drive back from nursery. He tells me all about his day and who he played with, and we have a good old chinwag. However, it hasn’t always been like that.

He joined our Bright Horizons nursery at the age of two, so conversation didn’t always flow. In fact, some days it was like getting blood out of a stone. Here are some of the tricks I used to get my son to spill the tea on his day at nursery…

First up, a handover with a member of the Bright Horizons team is crucial. In addition, have a quick look around the room before you leave with them for the day. Was there anything set up for them that you can use to open a conversation? Ask their key person for a general idea of what they have been up to.

Timing is key, too. I know it can feel tempting to ambush your child with a thousand questions the moment they are buckled into their seatbelt – but try to resist. Would you want that after a long day? Probably not! Instead, give them a little breathing space. Sometimes, my son would start talking five minutes into the journey home, sometimes halfway through dinner, and, occasionally, as we were reading a bedtime story. Children often need time to process everything they’ve experienced before they’re ready to talk about it.

Rather than asking questions that can be answered with a simple “yes”, “no”, or “fine”, try open-ended questions that spark curiosity. Instead of “Did you have a good day?”, you could ask, “What made you smile today?” or “What was the funniest thing that happened?” You could even make it into a game by asking everyone in the family to share their favourite part of their day.

If your child is still finding it tricky to put their experiences into words, don’t worry. Many young children are still developing the language they need to describe events in order. You can support them by commenting rather than questioning. For example, “I saw there was a water tray set up today. I wonder what you found in there?” or “Your key person said you spent lots of time outside today. I bet you were busy exploring.” This takes the pressure off and often encourages children to add their own details.

Some children also find it easier to show you rather than tell you. If they’ve brought home a painting or model, use it as a conversation starter. Ask them to tell you about their picture or explain how they made it. Often, you’ll discover the story behind the creation is even more interesting than the finished masterpiece!

And, remember, silence doesn’t mean they haven’t had a wonderful day. Young children spend so much of their nursery day learning, playing, making friends and navigating new experiences that they can simply be tired. Just because they don’t tell you about every activity doesn’t mean they aren’t thriving.

One thing I learnt over time was that the less pressure I put on my son to talk, the more he wanted to share. Some of our best conversations have happened completely out of the blue while building train tracks on the living room floor or brushing our teeth before bed. The wonderful thing about the Bright Horizons team is that they’re there to help bridge the gap between nursery and home. Those daily handovers give you a snapshot of their day and can provide brilliant prompts for conversations later on. Over time, as your child’s language and confidence grow, you’ll often find they begin volunteering more and more about their adventures. Before you know it, you’ll be hearing all about the obstacle course they conquered, the new friend they played with, or the messy play they enjoyed that afternoon. And those little conversations? They become one of the best parts of the day.

I look forward to doing it all again when my youngest starts at our Bright Horizons nursery in September.