Saying Goodbye at the Door: Our Tried-and-Tested Strategies
Meet Clare, a mother and valued member of our fantastic Parent Panel*; a diverse community of Bright Horizons parents sharing their experiences of raising happy, thriving and confident children. In this blog, Claire shares her practical tips for easing separation anxiety at nursery drop-off.
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Starting nursery is a big milestone, not just for children, but for us parents too. Mornings at the door used to be the hardest part of my day. My child clung to me like letting go meant losing me, and I often walked away with my own heart heavy and second-guessing if I’d done the right thing.
Through trial, error, and a lot of deep breaths, we eventually found a rhythm. Goodbyes are still emotional sometimes, but they’ve become gentler, calmer, and even sweet. Here are some of the strategies that made the biggest difference for us:
Tips for a smooth doorway goodbye
- Prepare before you arrive
- Talk about the day ahead: On the way there, mention what they might do (today you might paint or play outside) and who they are going to be with during the day (mention team members’ names and other children they may see).
- Have everything ready: Bag packed the night before (clothes, comfort items) so you’re not flustered.
- Keep it short and steady
At first, I thought lingering would help extra hugs, a few more kisses, “Just one more minute.” But I learned that long goodbyes only stretched the tension. Now we make our goodbye clear, confident, and consistent. A hug, a kiss on the forehead, and a cheerful, “See you this afternoon!”
- Hand over to the nursery team clearly
- Update them quickly: Mention any important notes (sleep, breakfast, mood, medication) before you step away.
- Use their name: “Alisha, here is Harry. He had a bit of an early wake today, but he’s excited to see the trucks.”
- Trust the team’s process
- Nursery teams usually have techniques to settle children quickly once parents leave.
- If you’re worried, ask about the best time to drop off; sometimes arriving earlier or later can help.
- Offer a connection object
Some mornings, my child carries their comforter teddy into the room as this resembles home. For older children, this could be a small note in their pocket. It’s something tangible to hold onto when I’m not there, a reminder that I’ll always come back.
- Celebrate the reunion
Knowing that our “hello” later would be just as special as the “goodbye” helped both of us. Sometimes it’s a big hug when I walk in the room, sometimes it’s simply “I missed you. Tell me about your day!” That joyful reconnection reinforces that separation is temporary.
Why this moment feels so huge
For our children, it’s a shift from the safe, predictable world of home to the wild wonder of nursery life. For us? It’s a crash course in letting go, knowing that the same child who needed us to butter their toast this morning will now be playing, learning, and possibly eating soil in the mud kitchen without us there to supervise.
We don’t talk enough about the parent side of drop-off. It’s okay to walk away feeling wobbly. It’s okay to sit in the car for a minute before driving off. If goodbyes are tough in your house, you’re not alone. It took us months of trial and error to find what worked, and even now there are clingy mornings but what matters is building a sense of safety and consistency. Children grow more confident over time when they learn that goodbyes always lead to reunions.
A final thought
As you hand over the tiny backpack and give that last squeeze at the door, take a moment for yourself. Wave, smile, and breathe. Trust that your little one is about to embark on a day full of discovery, laughter, and even a little mischief. These small mornings, full of tiny goodbyes, are actually the building blocks of independence and confidence. One day, you’ll look back and realise that letting go, even just for a few hours was one of the biggest gifts you could give them. So, whisper, “have fun”, take a step back, and watch them skip off with curiosity in their eyes. Today’s goodbye might feel hard, but it’s also the start of countless little adventures and memories that will stay with both of you forever.
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